Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All I want is dick and wine.
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