i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
