tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
