When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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