never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
