DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
