One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
