Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
