That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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