I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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