new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
