Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
