haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
