these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
