Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
