Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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