great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
