So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
