One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
