I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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