He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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