God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
