My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
