Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
