was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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