Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
