So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
