So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
