I think im going to throw up on grandma
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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