What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
