Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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