ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
