Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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