I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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