Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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