"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
