my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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