go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
