i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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