we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
