you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
