Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
