first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
