Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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