My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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