so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
