the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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