Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
