Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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