She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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