fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
