You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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