Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
