It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
