i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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