Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
