I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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