I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
