Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
