I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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