I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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