Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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