how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
