The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
