Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
