And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
