i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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