um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
