I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
