Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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