shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Vodka?
Forever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
