Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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