i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sober January is a disaster.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
