The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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