apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
