I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
