I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
