Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
