On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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