is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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