I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
