I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
