Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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