Life is so much better after having sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
